In need of some guidance, love my CofE church but mother in law is Italian RC

Hi folks, I need some advice-

I attended church regularly when I was a child, with my aunts and grandmother (on my fathers side), up until my parents divorced. After that I had little contact with them, I don't know the reasons why? As I became a teenager, I started reading the bible and praying everyday, I wanted to go church and believed, but didn't want to tell people through fear of being teased about it.

As I got older I had children of my own, who are all christened. But that was in the catholic church as I wasn't sure what church to attend and my mother-in-law is Italian (non-practicing catholic) and insisted. I couldn't understand the ceremony as it was in Italian.

My now teens attend a C of E school and I have felt pulled to the C of E church, like I'm meant to do something there, or meant to be there, it's like returning home where I can be me there. Also my two little ones (4year old and 8year old) loved going to the C of E church.

I want to be christened there, and have the children confirmed, and go every Sunday, and help the church as much as I can, until I find out why I'm so drawn to that church. But my mother in law insisted on coming with me last Sunday, and after mass she instead of driving me home drove me to a Catholic Church, sat through another mass, and talked to the priest about giving my son his 1st holy communion. She told me I couldn't go to the C of E church again, cos that is not what she believes in, and will not accept that me and my child actually enjoy and love going to that church. Is the lord calling me there? What can I pray for? Is it best to ask for strength to stand my ground and follow what I believe?

 

Hi,

I do not believe that the Lord calls anyone to Roman Catholicism.

"As the Church of Jerusalem, Alexandria, and Antioch, have erred; so also the Church of Rome hath erred, not only in their living and manner of Ceremonies, but also in matters of Faith." Art 19 CofE.

 

I do not know if I have misinterpreted what you are trying to say. What I wrote is that I have not been drawn to the RC, but to the Anglicanism. The Church of England. I have no idea why, but I have to go. It's not just the vicar, as the church I attended has no vicar at the moment, but the faith and the church itself.

I am new to Anglican belief. My nan was Methodist and my aunts was born again, and one went to a free church which I still don't know if that makes her born again or what. All I know is that I'm drawn to this church, and that I'm meant to do something there, but I don't know what, and I don't know why. But then I'm also thinking why is the lord making it hard for me if he wants me there. Why do I need to fight for it??? I do not want to be catholic. I feel like I'm judged, like I'm damned every time I walk in to a Catholic Church

 

On the basis of what you have shared here, I might conclude that it is your Mother in Law who might be doing the calling. You have not mentioned your husband (?), however he might be useful in providing some mediation. You do need to do what is right for you and your children, and you (and your husband) must make that decision, not in-laws, out-laws, or anybody else.

The behavior you describe here seems a little like bullying, and I don't know what is possible, but I think you need to have some sort of conversation on the subject, perhaps not talking about the 39 articles, but rather about having some respect for you as a person and your role in making the decisions about bringing up your children.

I pray for you both strength and guidance.

Prayer of St Aidan

Leave me alone with God as much as may be.
As the tide draws the waters close in upon the shore,
Make me an island, set apart,
alone with you, God, holy to you.

Then with the turning of the tide
prepare me to carry your presence to the busy world beyond,
the world that rushes in on me
till the waters come again and fold me back to you.

Aidan of Lindisfarne​

 

Thank you. You are actually right. My husband is supportive, but due to being forced to go to catholic church as a child, he is not at all religious. But he supports me in my beliefs, and we have asked the children to make their own minds up about what faith they wish to follow. My older children attend a C of E school, my younger ones didn't want to leave the C of E church after mass. I have signed up to help with the big church clean, and to help clean the graveyard.

But when they went to the RC church they were naughty and kept opening the doors to leave. They really didn't want to be there, and were asking to go back to the C of E church.. thank you for the prayer, I will be saying everyday until I go back to church on Sunday and talk to the vicar and to the lord

 

Ultimately I believe Jesus calls people to himself, and is probably less concerned about our institutional allegiances and more concerned about our love for him and for each other.

I have a fair handle on the 39 articles, and what they have to offer. Article 38 in part recognises the separation of Church and State which was part of the social change in Europe in the 16th Century. Article 19 is interesting, as we are not told in what way the Ancient Churches have erred (Superficially one may think that Antioch might be seen close to Nestorianism at one stage, and Alexandria might have been thought to be Monophysite - though that view was significant challenged in the Cyprus Agreement, and one wonders what Jerusalem did wrong except be overtake by Islam and one wonders why Constantinople got off the hook. It is also clear to any reader of English Tudor History that Rome was not popular because the Pope presented an obstacle to the Tudor obsession with succession).

I would like to think we could move beyond living in the derogatory descriptions of the Roman Pope that come from former generations, and focus on what is good about the Anglican position. Yes we have a history. Yes we must learn from our history. However if we simply choose to live in our history we are condemning ourselves to repeat it.

I am not sure if you have explored the site as yet, however if you are interested in the Articles there have been a number of threads on the Articles, and there is an opportunity to subscribe to the Articles on this site, if your search for the thread 'Formula of Holy Subscription' you should find it there, and it may be of interest to you.

 

Thank you, yes you are right. My husband is supportive of what I believe. He is a non practicing catholic, and in fact he doesn't believe at all now. We talked about this the other night, he said he doesn't believe anymore cos he was forced to go to Catholic Church as a child, which he found boring and feels that is why he doesn't believe anymore. As well as his family being catholic but not going by what they are meant to as Catholics..

I do not want my child to feel like their beliefs are being forced on them, so they are free to choose. On Sunday we attended the C of E church, they didn't want to leave after mass, but my mother in law rushed them out the door to a Catholic Church down the road, which she didn't even know the way to??

The children were naughty in the RC church, and kept playing with the doors until I took them out they was asking to go back to the c of e church and have even signed up for the big church clean and to clean and tidy the graveyard at the c of e church they are as much drawn to the c of e as I am.

 

Hello Cheryl,

What diocese are you in, if you don't mind me asking? I worship in Rochester, but know the church fairly well. As others have echoed, while many Roman Catholics will be found in heaven, this will be only despite the horrible baggage of heresy the Vatican teaches. There is a reason the Reformers strongly opposed her! If you care for your soul, steer clear.

Be encouraged, and hold your ground, and let us know what more we can pray for.

 

Cheryl you are blessed with a very beautiful family who appear very in love

 

Here in America, we have an Episcopal church that was formed by Italian immigrants. The RC church wouldn't give them an Italian priest, so they defied the hierarchy and formed their own church, named after S. Anthony of Padua, in Hackensack, NJ.

I think Anglo-Catholicism is a great bridge. What can the Roman Catholics say when they go into a church that's more catholic than theirs? A church with incense, statues, birettas, 3 vested ministers, and an altar facing the east?

 

Cheryl, I don't know if you are still around to see this reply, but I'd like to say that you simply must stand up for yourself and for your children. They are yours, not your mother in law's, and you (and your husband) are the one responsible in God's eyes for them.

The Holy Spirit is the author of peace. Jesus is the "prince of peace." What I'm trying to say is, being led by the Holy Spirit involves following that sense of inner peace. When you think about doing a certain thing and on the inside you're all turmoil and confusion, that's not God. God is not the author of confusion. You have inner peace about being in your new church, and that means the Holy Spirit is counseling you to stay there.

When I left the Roman Catholic Church for a Protestant church, lo these 30+ years ago, my mother yelled at me, "How could you!? When you had your children baptized in the Catholic Church you made a solemn vow before God that you would raise them in the Roman Catholic Church! How could you!!!" But afterward, over the years, she saw the fruit of God's love in our marriage and our children, and she softened her rhetoric. She eventually accepted reality and just loved on us, like any mother should. Hopefully when you stand up to your MIL and insist on doing what you know in your heart is right, she will come to accept it too. But even if she doesn't, you cannot live her life; you must live yours!

 

You say your mother-in-law is a Catholic but non-practising. She is what Catholics call a cafeteria Catholic. She probably goes to church at Easter and Christmas, insists children are baptised in the Catholic Church, people get married there, etc. However, if she doesn't go to Mass every Sunday, a precept for Catholics, she is a hypocrite.

It sounds to me that you are dominated by your mother-in-law and that you are afraid to go against your wishes. This may sound harsh but you need to get a backbone and make your own decisions. There's no need to be rude or aggressive towards your mother-in-law but you do need to be assertive. You cannot live your life as she dictates and she cannot live her life vicariously through you.

If you want to go to a particular church then you should go there. At least you are going to church and not being a hypocrite who says, 'I'm a Catholic', but doesn't actually practise the faith. The way in which you want to bring up your children and where you want them to be educated is your decision and not your mother-in-law's. You need to stand firm.

If you don't take a stand now it will only get worse. It'll become more difficult for you to stand up to her the more you give in to her. Eventually, you'll find you'll never stand up to her but will become bitter and resentful because she's made all those important decisions you should've made. I'd like to know where your husband is in all this. I wouldn't be surprised if he's too afraid to go against his mother's wishes. So, you're going to have to make him see he's a man now and needs to support his wife.

 

Rightly speaking the Roman Catholic Church had no right whatever to require you or your wife to raise your children according to its doctrine. The child was baptised into the 'Holy' catholic church, not the Roman Catholic Denomination. It will try to con people into thinking it IS the only 'Holy' catholic and apostolic church, but it isn't, and has not been for quite some time.
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